last chat

this is our last chat transcript :(

Michiko: huy!!

kunessa: HUY

Michiko: punta tayo bora!

kunessa: I cant, not this year.

Michiko: musta ka na?

kunessa: okay lang. nakasama ng bonggang bongga iyung pagbuhat at paghila hila ko ng bagahe sa Europe

Michiko: talaga? 

kunessa: pero okay naman.unlike before hilo hilo pa ko...pero di na ngayon

Michiko: ano nangyari sa lump? nawala na ba?

kunessa: hindi pa. may iniinom ako. tignan natin after 1 more month

kunessa: pero nagpacheck ako ng HCG, iyung sa cancer test, tumaas ng .4. di naman alarming

kunessa: magkikita pa tayo at maaabot ko pa ang pasalubong ko sa u

Michiko: ano ka ba!!!

kunessa: <lol icon>

Michiko: wag ka maggive up

Michiko: dapat fight fight fight

Michiko: ganyan ka naman dati di ba kaya nawala

Michiko: wag ka sumuko

kunessa: di naman. ang ganda ng takbo ng lahat kaya fight!

kunessa: oo naman.

kunessa: kaya ipagdasal mo ko. wag sa Universe ha?

Michiko: e saan pa?

Michiko: hahaha

kunessa: <lol icon>

Michiko: san ka bukas?

kunessa: Pagdating sa kin, tigilan iyang Universe universe na iyan. Special ako kaya sa Diyos mo ko ipagdasal

Michiko: di nga ako nagdadasal kahit sa universe

kunessa: baka dito lang, magsusulat

Michiko: so special ka pag nagdasal ako sa universe

kunessa: lintek na Universe na iyan!

kunessa: kay God nga!

kunessa: ano, go ka dito? punta ka na lang dito. dalawin mo naman ate mo

Michiko: gusto ko mamili ng mga gagamitin ko para sa gagawin kong recycled products k

Michiko: ek

Michiko: gusto ko gumawa ng mga ganun pag wala ako ginagawa

kunessa: san ka?

Michiko: tapos ibebenta ko online

Michiko: nandito sa bahay. bukas plano ko magpunta sa handyman

kunessa: magsusulat ako baka until after lunch pag sinipag

Michiko: tapos?

Michiko: sali ka sa business ko?

Michiko: wehehe wala pa nga e

kunessa: pag tapos ako, baka puwede ako lumarga wag lang malayo.

Michiko: sa trinoma may handyman di ba?

kunessa: pass muna ako sa mga business. pag totally healed na ko

Michiko: ay sige

kunessa: sa Trinoma meron

Michiko: e baka mapagod ka naman

kunessa: wag lang masyado matagal.

Michiko: naku wag na kaya

kunessa: test text tayo bukas. baka puwede ako

Michiko: puntahan na lang kita sa bahay pagtapos

kunessa: mas okay. tho di naman ako lumpo...nakaka-attend ako ng mtgs at seminars sa ABS

Michiko: hahaha

Michiko: sige text mo ko kung makasunod ka sa trinoma

Michiko: may craft store ba dun?

Michiko: yung mga beads beads?

Michiko: baka lumipat ako ng sm kung wala e

Michiko: sm muna

Michiko: at least me handyman din dun

kunessa: sa SM north yata meron ng beads

Michiko: bibili ako ng panggutsilyo

Michiko: ayoko na magsulat

kunessa: ok lang dn. basta text text tayo. ano tantya mo oras?

kunessa: ayaw mo na talaga?hahaha

Michiko: sana magising ako ng maaga. mga 1pm hehe

Michiko: gusto ko na ng iba. wala nang challenge ang tv writing

kunessa: ako maaga, may yaya na ko ng 8am-12n

Michiko: wala rin gano fulfillment

Michiko: talaga? sino yaya mo

Michiko: nagpapaluto ka?

Michiko: buti naman

kunessa: .bago lang pero okay. may taga-prepare ako ng food, tagalinis, tagalaba etc

kunessa: siya, watch muna ako TV

kunessa: tumayo lang ako nung makita kita online

Michiko: o sige

kunessa: watch ka NASAAN KA, ELISA, ha

Michiko: text mo ko bukas

kunessa: <lol icon>

Michiko: di ako nanonood kahit ng show ko!

Michiko: nasan nga ba siya?

kunessa: siya ang bago kong yaya!

Michiko: ah kaya pala nawawala

Michiko: sige nood ka na

kunessa: korek

kunessa: siya bukas na lang

kunessa: seeurs

Michiko: babu

kunessa: <bye icon>

hindi siya nakasunod nun sa Trinoma. hindi kami nagkita. hindi ko rin siya napuntahan sa bahay kasi ginabi na ko. sana pala nakita ko pa siya nun. after this chat, ang sumunod na mga YM message ko,  hinahanap ko siya pero wala nang sagot si Kune. nung nagtext ako sabi niya hindi na siya masyado nag-oonline. tsaka na raw siya chichika. eventually nga nagleave na sa work at nagpunta na ng Pampanga. 

before that, nagpaplano pa kaming bisitahin si Ronald sa Taiwan. at after ng trip niya sa Europe, gusto pa niya bumalik. sa ibang lugar naman sa Europe. Sa Greece at Spain. gusto rin niyang pumunta sa fishing villages sa France. 

pareho kaming busy this year dahil sa TV. wala kaming gaanong time sa isa't isa. nakakalungkot. all because of TV and Zombadings? are they worth it? no. 

cliche lessons: make time for your loved ones. kahit gaano ka pa ka-busy. hindi mo alam kung kelan sila mawawala sa 'yo. treasure your moments together. always ask them how they are. always make them feel that you love them. sa mga taong may sariling mundo gaya ko mahirap 'to. but i have to make an effort from now on. 

---

i can't write. pero naririnig ko na sasabihin ni kune. sasabihin nun, "magsulat ka na. kailangan mo yang pera dahil magastos ka! sige na. sulat na tayo."

Stardust

to sister Kune

past 12 na nang mabasa ko ang text messages. wala na si Kune. i knew it was impossible for her to survive it anymore after i saw her in the ICU last night. but i still find it hard to believe that she's really gone.

iniisip ko buong araw kung paano kami nagkakilala. san nga ba nagsimula ang lahat? dun yata sa directing workshop ni Sir Nestor Torre. tinawagan niya ko at pinapa-invite daw ako ni Sir Nestor. since pareho kaming taga-QC, sabay kami lagi pumunta kay Sir Nestor in time for our 9am class.

kokonti lang kami sa class. nakahabol pa ko sa directing projects at gumawa pa kami ng short films. nagshoot kami sa La Loma Cemetery. ang saya-saya namin kahit low budget at pangit ang mga ginawa namin. tulungan lang kami sa kanya-kanyang projects. nagshoot pa kami na malapit na rin ang Pasko nun, sa may Makati, sa may parulan.

may project din siya na Parol ang title. gawa na script nun. matagal na niyang gustong gawin. muntik na ngang magawa pero nagback out siya kasi hindi kasya sa budget na binibigay ng nahanap niyang producer.

tinulungan pa namin siya na gawin ang short film niya. si Jorross ang bida. nag-Camiguin na kami nung late 2007. sinamahan niya ko kasi brokenhearted ako nun. ang saya namin kahit dalawa lang kami.

hindi ko na maalala kung kelan at paano nga ba kami naging magkaibigan talaga. siguro it just happened. nagclick lang talaga siguro kami.

nung lumipat siya ng ABS, may gagawin pa sana kaming project nun pero hindi natuloy. until lumipat na ko ng GMA nung early 2009.

nung nagkaroon na ko ng boyfriend, nabawasan na rin yung paglabas-labas namin. pero never naman kami nawalan ng communication. lagi kaming nagcha-chat tapos tawagan sa landline for updates. or nagkikita sa SM. hindi rin naman kami masyado matext. either siya ang tatawag o ako then mahabang usapan na yun.

binalikan ko mga text messages namin. naiinis ako na nawala yung mga lumang messages. baka na-delete ko accidentally habang nagtatanggal ng mga spam messages. ang earliest text message na nandito nung July 7 lang. pero nandito pa sa archive ng YM yung mga chat namin.

tinawagan niya ko sa bahay nung pagbalik niya galing europe, ang saya niya sa travel niya. pero ang sabi niya may lump na visible na sa right breast niya. hindi na niya matago sa mga meetings. ayaw na nga niyang lumabas e. ayaw magpakita. tsaka na raw niya ibibigay yung cheese na pasalubong niya sa 'kin. nagjo-joke pa siya na mamamatay na daw siya. sabi ko hindi pa no. masamang damo ka e. matagal pa buhay mo!

hindi ko alam, yun na pala ang start. 3 months after that conversation, mawawala na pala siya.

konti lang ang kaibigan ko. konti lang ang tinatawagan ko pag gusto ko lumabas o gusto ko mag-rant o gusto ko lang manood ng sine at isa siya dun.

ngayon lang ako namatayan ng close friend. ang huling namatay na mahal ko, yung lola ko. nung 2001 pa yun. pero 10 years after, kaibigan naman. she wanted so much to live. hindi pa siya ready. handa pa siyang lumaban. spiritually strong, but the body is weak.

nung nakita ko siya sa ICU, nagsisi ako na tiningnan ko pa siya kasi ayoko maalala siya na naghihirap ng ganun. naiintindihan ko kung bakit ayaw niyang magpakita kahit kanino up to the end. she loved life so much. ayaw niyang makita siya ng mga kaibigan niya na naghihirap. kaya ayoko rin siyang maalala kung paano ko siya nakita sa ICU. gusto ko maalala sya na masayahin, life of the party, maingay, matapang, kaibigan.

last picture together

hindi kami nakapaghanda. hindi kami ready na mawala ka agad. pero i guess mas okay na hindi ka na nahirapan ng matagal.

the same way na nagsisisi ako na pumasok ako sa ICU, nagsisisi rin ako na hindi kita nakausap dun. hindi ko nasabi na mahal kita.  pero alam mo naman siguro yun. between friends, hindi na yun kailangang sabihin.

not one, but two.

when i woke up, i got a text update about my friend who's still in the hospital. the text messages sound worse every time. i don't know what to do for her. she doesn't want us to see her in her state.  i don't know what to tell her anymore through text. how can i comfort her in her pain? just last night i was browsing the internet for cancer survivors. i was hopeful because there were late stage cancer patients who are able to manage their illness and living up to now for 17 years...

---

setsuko is sick too.

according to her vet, she has to undergo ovariohysterectomy which in layman's term means removal of the ovary. apparently, since she only got pregnant once, her ovary is rotting and has to be removed. or she can opt for antibiotics for life. i'm going to get a second opinion but it seems setsuko is going to have an operation soon at 7 years old.

according to this dog chart, setsuko is 47 years old. she's still active right now and always hungry. it seems every december, she gets sick. it started last year.

at least i can do something to save setsuko. but with my friend, i feel helpless. we all feel helpless.

on Willie R.

it's unfortunate that i hear Willie Revillame singing from Monday-Friday. and i especially hate the Kendeng Kendeng song! why mama finds him charming is beyond me :(

stop me from booking again!!!

Japan craft stores

first, this is my stash of yarns and washi tapes of different sizes. 

there are more yarns underneath!

i don't know what i'm going to do with them yet. 

i also bought some leather. don't ask me why.

before they all disappear in my memory, i have to list down the places where i bought them so that when i come back (soon!), i'll know where to go!

1. The leather goods shop next to Kinokuniya Shinjuku main store. They sell different kinds of leather goods but they also sell leather. Some are quite expensive but i bought a dark brown sheep leather which was displayed outside for only 1000 yen. 

2.  A shop in Ikebukuro behind Labi building and across a sushi restaurant. I know i took a picture of it's name but i can't find it anywhere. Anyway, it's a washi tape heaven. It's where i bought almost half of my washi tapes. There's also scrapbooking materials, stamps, stickers, etc. I want to go back here. 

3. Cosi Cosi shop in Shibuya. It's near the big crossing. They sell ethnic pieces from Africa and India. The colors in the shop will draw you in. Aside from the beads and stamps, i was so pleasantly surprised to see that they were selling recycled silk yarns for only 420yen per ball. The largest ones cost 820yen. I bought a lot of course! 

4. There are several shops like Cosi Cosi which sell ethnic products. I also found MALAIKA by accident in the Kyoto market. They didn't have the yarns but what made me gush about this store is what's in the 2nd floor: imported silk and other kinds of fabric that i don't know the name of. 

a little blurred i'm sorry. i was excited!

textile heaven, agree?

the patterns! the patterns! i wanted to buy a meter or two but i couldn't choose. finally, i had to leave the shop. but i regret not buying the one of a kind fabric i wanted at the last minute.

5. Yuzawaya in Takashimaya department store. Everything is there! If only i could stay for a whole day, i would. But a guy can only wait for an hour and that's it. I bought a leather sewing kit which includes a leather wallet kit inside plus stamps and leather!

6. Nomura Tailor in Kyoto. I wasn't even looking for it but i found it after Malakai. It feels to me as if it was meant to be. Anyway i bought some scrap fabrics there. i wanted to buy more but i had to stop myself. I had a week to go and I was sure there's plenty more to discover. 

7. Kiwa jewelry making store in Shinjuku. (http://www.kiwaseisakujo.jp/) I think it's in the 5th floor of Lumine 2. It's one of those accidents again. We went to a bookstore and then I found this in the corner. I couldn't stop myself from splurging again. In the end, i had to return some of the items i don't really need :(

8. I also went to La Drougerie in Harajuku. it's one of the most beautiful craft shops i have been to, if not the best. but what i'm sure about is that it's the most expensive. i didn't buy anything here. sigh. 

9. Itoya in Ginza. washi tapes again! paper and more paper! after looking at the nice things over and over again mulling whether to buy them or not, i decided to leave without buying anything. 

10. I found another store in Osaka just like Cosi Cosi and Malaika. I forget the name. They sell the same things except the textile. This one sells recycled wool yarn and banana thread yarn. I don't know what a banana thread yarn is but i bought some anyway :)

There are other stores which i discovered while walking which I might not be able to go back to again next time. There's this art store in Osaka near Tokyu hands which sells, guess what, washi tapes again and stamps among other things! 

While looking for gum tape for our balikbayan box, we found this book store where i found washi tapes again! It's also where i bought a book on washi tape and their uses. I bought it even if it's in Japanese. 

I'm not worried i'm not going to find them again. There are lots of shops waiting to be discovered. And if there's none, i can always go back to Yuzawaya and spend a day there :)

Now what to do with my stash? 

off to Japan

while looking at Youtube videos of Jason Mraz concert in Manila (and getting annoyed because of the Pinoys singing along with him all throughout the songs! good thing i didn't go!), i found this:



when i was in kindergarten, my mother made me memorize this song and then sing it in front of my classmates. (i just found out now that she's not even Japanese and it's actually a Taiwanese song translated to Nihongo).

anyway i don't remember anything about performing but when i was young, i had no stage fright. it was only as i became older that i developed stage fright. maybe something traumatic happened along the way that made me avoid the spotlight as much as i can.  hmm...ano kaya yun?

in my next lifetime, i want to be a performer. the best there is. i want to be a really good singer! :)
a beautiful, charming, really-good performer!

---
i won't be blogging anymore after this as I'll be gone most of November.

Ashita no gogo watashi to Erik wa Nihon e ikimasu! jaa mata ne!

jewelry DIY all day!

i wanted to do a coin purse today but i had no zipper available

so i made jewelry instead. 

i purchased these beads and brass chain in Quiapo last Sunday. 

it's quite cheap. P100 per string of semi-precious stones 

and then P60 per string for the Murano beads (buy 3 take 1).

No. 8 yellow jade stone in brass chain

this one below is my favorite Murano bead among the ones i purchased.

it's like a teardrop. i love it.

this one's an old silver chain of mine (not sure if it's sterling). 

after attaching some Murano beads, it looked like this.

Sushi kept on barking at me and asking for attention 

so i made her pose with the necklace :)

this is the sterling silver rose ring i did. 

it's two rings which i connected by using copper wire. 

 but i removed the wire after because i prefer it simpler and disconnected.

it's supposed to be 3 but i broke the silver wire while twisting 

and my fingers hurt already. there'll be another time to complete the set.

but before all these jewelry, i finally finished the two-toned scarf!

there are holes in it and like i said, i made mistakes all over it

i didn't bother to unravel the yarn when i accidentally purled instead of knitted

 the green one is more tightly knit than the white 

so there's a part where the white one is wider :(

but it's not going to be obvious when wrapped around one's neck!

next time, it's going to be perfect!