at wit's end

sometimes, it's just tiring to live with no real purpose in life. it's all the same thing everyday. you sleep. you wake up. you eat. you work. you pay the bills. you solve a problem. you sleep again. another problem crops up the next day. another deadline to beat. you don't notice the day passing you by. when you wake up, your old and gray and things are still the same around you.

what's the meaning of this routine called life? and why do i have to live it?

AND WHY, why do i have to write these teleplays? am i making the world a better place with my contribution? if i were a fugitive, i would have made more contribution in society. because then, the police would try to up their game just to catch me. next time, they'll know better. but as a soap opera writer, what am i really improving?

am i improving anything at all? or i'm just telling the same old story over and over again. how many times can you tell a mother-daughter search? apparently, a thousand times and more! how can you make a young girl cry? a thousand times and more! and it's as if i'm making Filipinos smarter and wiser.

(Photo source)

i always have a deja vu while writing dialogues. "wait, i already wrote this before".

i'll be eighty and i'll still be writing about a mother looking for her daughter and exchanging heated arguments with matching sampalan with the kontrabida whose maltreating the (surprise surprise) missing daughter.

sometimes i just want to disappear in a faraway place, never to be seen again. or maybe sleep forever, never to be woken up by a magical kiss.

i'm so bored i want to kill myself!

and as i say everyday to the universe, ayoko nang magsulat. to be specific, ayoko nang magsulat sa TV.

when will the world end? when will the world of soap operas end? when will i end?